How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize