Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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