Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
