booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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