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• (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

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• (530): View more from California

  Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who says no to sex and donuts?!

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf

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• (406): View more from Montana

  At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning

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• (516): View more from New York

  I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.

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