One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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