Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
