I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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