Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
