between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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