Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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