I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
