Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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