I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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