I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
