tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
