Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
