you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
