we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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