She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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