So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
