I seem to have left my pride at pride
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
