the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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