halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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