My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
