when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize