3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
