your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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