I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
