just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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