OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
