So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
