My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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