I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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