you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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