I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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