so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I looked at my own cervix.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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