My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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