This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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