I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
