My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back