Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.