Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you