peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?