oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
