My hand turned me down
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult