bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
