2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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