his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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