i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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