I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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