Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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