Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
