The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
