Fuck appropriateness.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
