If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
