Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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