dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
