I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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