i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
