i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
