we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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