We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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