the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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