we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
