Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Farmville is her only friend.
the day after is always just damage control
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
