Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
