Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
