I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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