Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
