Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
