If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
