listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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