You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
one might say we're banned from that church
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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