I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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