I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
