I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
