so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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