just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
