ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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