Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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