remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
