i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
