neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
