Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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