I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
