i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
