I think my vagina is haunted
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I didn't notice because vodka
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
