you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had to cum in my sink.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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