just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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