Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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