But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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