If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
