Porn is love you can see.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
