We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
